


Family

by Onlymostydead



Category: DCU, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Sexual Abuse, Panic Attacks, Self-Blame, Trans Male Character, trans Wally west, trans bart allen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-21 19:30:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17049242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Onlymostydead/pseuds/Onlymostydead
Summary: Bart didn't deserve to go through that. There were very few people Wally would wish those feelings on, and Bart was not one of them. He wasn't even close.And yet... He told him that he hated him. They fought. He yelled about everything that made Bart... Bart. Wally was probably the first person he encountered who cut himself.So it was his fault, and he had to do something about it. But how? He couldn't talk to him, he couldn't face him... Could he?





	Family

**Author's Note:**

> This is a vent fic I wrote to deal with a situation in my own life, so... Re-read the warnings.

It was Wally's fault.

After their rocky beginning, it turned out he and Bart had a lot in common... Even if people didn't feel the same way about certain things in the future. Bart had been surprised when Wally told him he was trans, not because it was weird, but because that was just... Normal to him. Being trans was just how it was. Just how he was, too. 

Wally knew that it was wrong to feel jealous of that. Being trans wasn't as much about dysphoria and discomfort, to Bart. Being a boy just made him happier. He wore crop tops and eyeliner and used colorful hair clips to keep his bangs out of his eyes. Whereas, Wally had gone through years of just feeling... Wrong. Aunt I and Uncle Barry had been the first ones to know, and that only once he was eleven and got struck by that lightning bolt. He hadn't told his team, because he was afraid they would bully him about it. He didn't tell anyone at school, because they already bullied him because they thought he was a lesbian. It would only get worse if he told them he was a boy.

And he never told his parents. Not that he was bi, or trans, or that he was Kid Flash. Sure, they got mad at him for being out late, and it hurt, but it's not as bad as it could be.

But Bart? He wore pride pins on his suit, pinning them on like medals of honor. He really had what it meant to be proud of your identity, to not care what anyone else thought. It helped that the rest of the team was queer in some capacity, too. Hell, the new Robin - Wally could never remember which name it was. Was he Tim? Yeah, Tim. - was trans too.   
It wasn't until after they disbanded that everyone started coming out. Dick was bi, Roy was bi, Garth was polyamorous and pan, Donna was a lesbian... And Wally just felt bad about lying to his friends the whole time. They would have accepted him, so why didn't he just... Tell them?

There were a lot of secrets he kept from them, then again. He never told them about his parents. Being Kid Flash, and not being able to stand up to your own mom and dad? They would have laughed at him, for sure. They would think he was joking if he said that his parents hit him, if he said that his dad-  
Bart knew. Wally knew that he wasn't supposed to know Bart knew, but he did. They got in a fight, punches were thrown, and Uncle Barry probably told Bart afterwards. Why Wally always assumed everyone was out to get him. Why he froze up sometimes when they were out on patrol. Why he beat rapists and abusers and child molesters beyond the degree most people considered sane.

And Bart was awkward around him for a grand total of fifteen minutes before they were back to their normal, tense kind of friendship. Still, once in a while there was a look in his eyes. Wally didn't know if it was pity or disgust or concern... By he hated it. He just wanted to be normal.

That's why he didn't tell the team. They treated him like another one of the guys, and he didn't want to sabotage that. Hell, he still hasn't told any of them. How did you go about that? Telling your childhood friends, who told you everything that was bothering them, that you never told them what was going on with you? That your parents don't feed you sometimes, and that they hurt you, and that your dad-

Wally still couldn't even think the words. It was just too much.

And he definitely couldn't tell them that he took it out on himself. Being a speedster, healing was faster than for most people, but that didn't mean he couldn't get hurt. That didn't mean he couldn't hurt himself.

Even Uncle Barry didn't know about that. Only Aunt I... And Bart.

Bart had a nasty habit of coming over to his apartment uninvited. Keystone was a decent city with cheap enough rent and an okay enough transportation system to get him to Star Labs for work every morning in the next city over. That's how a lot of people did it; not many people actually lived over there.  
But, Wally could pay the rent on his own place, and it wasn't too bad. Getting out of Blue Hills had been really good for him. It had been close to two and a half years since he'd hurt himself last. 

Still, he had scars. All up and down his thighs, on his torso... Everywhere. Not his forearms, though. That's what he showed Dick when he asked. And, even being a world class detective, he didn't want to investigate his friend. So he left him alone.

But of course, Bart walked right in as he lounged around the apartment in his boxers. 

"Wow, where'd you get those?" He zipped over to Wally's side instantly, running his fingers over some of the ones on his upper arm. "Oh sorry, should I not touch?" He pulled his hand back. "Was it like, torture or something, or-"

He fell completely silent.

Wally was mortified. Here was this kid, only 14, realizing that his cousin had cut himself. Fuck. What were you supposed to do about that? What was he supposed to say? He wanted to be angry, but... He was working in that.

Instead, he shrugged. "Yeah, when I was younger."

"Why?"

That was a hard one to answer.

"I think you know." Was what he settled on, his throat dry, heart pounding. "Haven't done it in years, though."

Bart nodded, frowned, then zipped off to do something else. Wally thought nothing else of it.

Until now. Until he knew about the amount of stress and strain Bart had been under to perform perfectly on his team, just like he had been. Until he learned how Bart's relationship with Tim and Connor was getting difficult. Until he learned how Bart was dealing with it.

He'd been cutting himself. 

Just on his hips, at least, that was what Wally guessed. That was where he started because of two combined reasons: dysphoria, and it was easiest to hide. He made sure for a while that as long as he was wearing boxer briefs no one would be able to see. Then it spread to boxer briefs and a shirt. Then longer shorts. Then a shirt that covered up all of his biceps, but never any lower.

But Bart had started the same thing, Wally could tell in the way he was acting. He had a batarang, stolen from Robin as a 'souvenir' from a mission or something, and now he was carrying it around with him weird times. When Wally asked about it he gave dodgy answers. When Wally asked his if he'd been hurting himself, he whipped off his shirt to prove he hadn't.

Just like Wally, pushing up his sleeves to show Dick that he wasn't hurting himself. Except he wasn't going to accept that answer, not like Dick did. Sure, Bart was like an annoying cousin, but that didn't mean he deserved to go through the same kind of feelings Wally went through. The anxiety, the hopelessness, the fear that your friends will find out and hate you for it? It's exhausting. Bad enough that he burned himself out for a while there.

Right in the middle of his junior year in high school, that was when it happened. Things had reached their worst around the holidays, Christmas always being an awful time around his house, with his family. His mom was angry and stressed, his dad was drunk and angry... And Wally was the one taking the blame for all of it.  
He broke down. In the middle of their HQ, broke into sobs, curled up in the middle of the training room floor. Robin helped him though it, of course he did because he was trained to. But when he came out of the panic attack...

His powers were gone. The connection to the speed force was missing from him. It felt like an empty hole, burrowing into his chest and consuming him from the inside out. He was out of commission for three weeks and it almost killed him.

Bart didn't deserve to go through that. There were very few people Wally would wish those feelings on, and Bart was not one of them. He wasn't even close. 

And yet... He told him that he hated him. They fought. He yelled about everything that made Bart... Bart. Wally was probably the first person he encountered who cut himself.

So it was his fault, and he had to do something about it. But how? He couldn't talk to him, he couldn't face him... Could he? 

They were sitting back on the couch, Bart curled up in the corner on his DS, Wally absently flicking through the channels on the TV. If he was going to do this...

"Hey, Bart?"

"Yeah?" He didn't look up from his game.

Wally swallowed. "I need you to be honest with me."

"You think I can lie?"

"Pfft, of course you can." He elbowed him lightly. "It's that flash family secret: we can all lie better than people think."

Bart shrugged.

"I'm just gonna cut to the chase. Have you been hurting yourself?"

"No." He answered quickly, eyes only darting up from the DS for a moment. "I already told you that."

Wally frowned, a heavy feeling seeping into his chest. "It's on your hips, so you can hide it easily."

The DS snapped shut. "That's nice, are you a detective now?"

"No, I'm just a guy concerned that his cousin is going down the same path he did!"

Wally didn't mean to yell, but that's how it came out. Bart sank down into the couch in defeat.

"Yeah." Was all he said.

Wally collapsed a little too, the tension running out of his shoulders. "Please, Bart, I-"

"It's fine! I've got it under control."

"No, you don't!" He snapped. "Bart, please, talk to Dinah, your school counselor, someone. I'm not saying it has to be me, Bart, or even Uncle Barry and Aunt I. Just... Please don't do this."

Bart turned his face away, but Wally still saw the tears welling up in his eyes. "I'll try, okay?"

"Okay." Wally nodded, breathing a sigh of relief. 

The silence between them was so thick that it felt hard to breathe, that it felt hard to move.

"Now can we just go back to normal again? This is weird."

Trying to smile, Wally flicked the TV back on and went to flipping through channels.

"But, so you know... If you need someone to talk to-"

"That doesn't sound like normal, you know." Bart interrupted, turning his game back on.

"Alright, alright." Wally smiled, trying to find something decent on TV. "Just letting you know."

Finally, Wally found a cooking show, and Bart ended up turning off his game. They had been watching it for a while when Bart switched how he was sitting, so he was leaning on him.

"Hey, Walls?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

"That's just what family does."

Bart looked up for a moment, blinked, then smiled. Snuggling up against him, he pulled the blanket off the back of the couch and got it over them.

Yeah, he might've started it. It could be his fault, but he was going to be with Bart every step of the way.

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr is Supertinydom or Supertinywords!
> 
> Requests are open!
> 
> Comments are love <3


End file.
